Learning to care

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I thought I knew how to care.

I had a "humble pride" in the fact that years of working in health care settings, and working with those communities which are hard to care for had taught me the art and attitude to care.

Till today when I was in for a surprise, when my true inner colour was exposed.

We had brought home people closest to us to be cared for yesterday. I considered this privilege. And I knew this will not be easy, but I was prepared.

Today is Sunday.

One of those persons, who has advancing Alzheimers decided to join me and my daughter to go to church. A foolish decision rationally. Just settling into a new climate and context, exposing to the hot mid day sun of Delhi the first day of arrival is not a rational thing to do. The Dementia which prevents the person from accepting any alternative and makes irritatingly repetitive requests till accepted in the affirmative was difficult, but I gave in reluctantly. (with some resentment).

Reflecting on this pattern of behaviour (for a good thing as going to church) I recognised that this was from a life long discipline of never having missed Sunday worship, may be from a 'positive Delusion'  of non church attendance as  wrong? But I was reminded by the spouse of the person, if we do not give into the desires, it is likely that the person will be 'Depressed' for the next few weeks. Classic signs of Alzheimers - my physician mind concluded.

But reflecting further 2 issues stood out in my mind.

One - if today I develop Alzheimers, my Repetitive Dementic request may not be for a positive issue like going to church but to fulfil some personal selfish desires. And me Delusion will be based on the fact of needing to be in control of my life. My response if my way not done, might be difficult for those who might be caring for me - because it is those behavioural patterns of your early life that gets enhanced in Alzheimers, and my current many are unhealthy, unlike the person I am caring for today.

Two - I still am in the school of learning to care, and this event is yet another examination where I have failed to clear.

Caring is revealing - revealing your own inadequacies in actions and attitudes.

Caring is transformational - transforming the care giver primarily.

Caring is tearing down the facade of the false image you have built up for yourself, revealing your true colours.

Will I pass in my next exam?

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