Son

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Am I a shareholder in my father’s house? Like the younger son, who felt he was a shareholder and was restless till he got his share, am I not also restless? The restlessness did not end with receiving his part of the inheritance. With inner restlessness he kept running. Till he ran out of energy to run. He was a rightful shareholder, and was potentially right in wanting his shares. But issue was his not what he wanted but what he was struggling with. His relationship with his father as a shareholder instead of being a son.

Am I like a slave in my father’s house? Like the elder one who was also restless. He was restless, not because he wanted his rights, but he was full of strong feeling of resentment. Resentment emerging out of a deeper inner issue of identity again. He saw himself as a slave in his father’s house. And when there was a party going on in his father’s house, his true inner identify came out. He was good at masking his true identity with busy work and involvement in his father’s fields. Only when his younger brother who never bothered to work, and instead destroyed his own life came back, and his father accepted him, the true colours came out. Reluctant celebrator, resentful about his brother coming back, because he did not have the right relationship and status he was expected to enjoy.

In the middle of this, the father was waiting. Father waiting with an open door and open heart. Willing to give up and allow the younger one to lose his part of his share, waste resources and a few years of his life! Willing to allow the elder one to work in his field, with unexpressed anger and resentment in his heart, till the right time, this could be allowed to be expressed. He was waiting with welcoming heart. His heart was – both of you are my sons. All what I have is yours. Instead of being restless, running and being resentful, what I want is, you to rest in your status as a son. Son who does not need to earn his keep, be approved by being a slave, enjoy all what I have as yours.

Resting in the status as a “Son” is what I am expected to enjoy. But I run around restless, resentful of the hand I have been dealt with or the experiences I am going through!

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