Santhosh's ramblings

Anaesthetists - Be Aware.  I underwent an IOL implantation yesterday. I am not sure why the Anaesthetist decided on a concoction of Midazolam, Propofol and ? ketamine (I think I got all three - first two sure, third - presumption) to the well tested blocks! May be special treatment for a doctor colleague. But the experience was exhilarating. First phase - floating around in the midst of psychedelic colours, feeling on the top of the world, being transported to some kind of 'heaven' (not the real second or third as Paul would put it)....Second phase - down to earth after a loooong period of time (probably few minutes) doctors asking me to move up on the bed, feeling the pain in eye, and aware of what is happening around - the dissociative anaesthesia time, but all the time a longing to go back into phase one....Third phase, back in room, wondering why I am feeling low, yearning for phase 1! Like C S Lewis, who was surprised by Joy and was longing for it.... Anaesthetists

The three questions which one is challenged with are – questions of “Status” “Significance” and “Security”. Early and mid fifties (my age) is a good time in life especially if you are married and have elderly parents and teenage and early adulthood kids with you, to reflect on this……a sandwiched reflection…. Status     The young are asking – What can and should I become… My generation is reflecting…. Oh – what am I becoming…and carefully reflecting – what should I not become at all…! The aged parents are resting   – In the legacy of status are they are leaving…..and if we listen clearly – what we hear is – what they would like to leave behind is a “legacy of life well lived with long lasting relationships” – Status which emerges out of relationships - relationships which will be remembered long after they are gone…. Status out of relationships to God and each other – something which live beyond our life time….! Significance The young are asking - what can I contribute…

It was Thursday night. Three and half years of teaching, caring, healing, building people, trying help people to see the big picture of the Kingdom of God, was coming to a culmination. As he neared the last few days of His time of this earth, the context was becoming hysterical.   The formal leadership from the existing religious institutions, whose status was being challenged by this new entrant into field, was plotting to eliminate him. The state authorities were listening to those from the formal structures and were not willing to see anything other than the stories, the leaders brought to them. The common man – the crowd, had been well brainwashed by those wielding political power and influence and were crying to murder this well meaning, innocent Rabbi.   The close friends, who were expected to stand with him, were running away. One of them, the senior finance manager had switched allegiances and was part of the gang plotting to pull the rug from under His feet. The closest

How do we measure where we are in the communities which we are part of, be it be my family, my church, my work place or other communities we are part of? Three questions to reflect on. 1.       A community is as close to its purposes as its members are. We measure where we are first by measuring ourselves. What is the purpose of my being in the community I am part of – be it be my family, my church, institution, project or organization? On scale given below try to place yourself. My purpose of being part of the community (Family/Church/Institution/Project/Organization) Me, my needs Common agenda of work and or need to live together Identity of the community, work place or institution Need for each other for the sake of growth of each other and the community God, his purposes, commonality of brokenness bound by Grace of God   2.       Then reflect on the community you are part of and try to place the same in the sca

The heart is deceitful above all things....that is what the Bible says. We can very well understand that, since our heart testifies to this when we reflect against the standards in the makers manual. But the brain is one which betrays...betrays us from understanding the status of the inner man, the spiritual which is normally expressed through external brain responses. When organic brain syndromes occur due to organic damage to the brain, one could live a normal life with very minimal deficit or end up in a persistent vegetative state. And the visible responses of inner man varies depending on the level of deficit. When cognition loss confuses our  brain, patterns of older disciplines and behaviour become pronounced and one is unsure if it is just the degenerating neuronal functions or the inner man expressing out its deep seated desires. When Chemical dysfunctions cloud brain through emotional imbalances, one is never sure if the inner man is joyful or happy, depressed or repe

Behavioural patterns get pronounced as one gets older. Especially if one has a dementia or similar neurodegenerative diseases. What  the behaviours that will be pronounced is not in our control. But what potentially could is in our control today. Nurture those patterns which build your inner man, build others, build a community, and even if our faculties start deteriorating one can be sure that what is pronounced will be something which will not irritating to those who care for you. Neuronal damage was thought to be permanent, with no regeneration. Supressed non functional pathways will lead to diminishing functions but overacting other pathways enhanced expression of some functions. This happens in degenerative diseases. But recent understanding of neuronal regeneration has changed our understanding. In non degenerative diseases there has been evidence of neuronal regeneration. So, if we want to prepare for a potential life of degenerating physical and cognitive functions, I need t

Worshipping when down.... Worship has become a 'feel good' activity where at the end of worship one needs to feel good if you want to label it as 'good'. The paradigm of worship being touching the heart of God, does not seem to be up in agenda. A casual question to a worshiper getting out of a worship service would draw the following responses - awesome, cool,  excellent, uplifting, or similar sounding words. I was recently worshipping along with an elderly person with moderate stages of Alzheimers disease. You could experience that the person was a worshipper in heart, but if you had asked her, how was the worship, she would not be able to respond because she would have forgotten the experience soon. So when you are down, how does one worship? How does one rate the experience? Physically down due to illness, emotionally down due the effects of the illness, worship is an act of will, based on certain facts which one holds on to and not how one is feeling. When spi