Santhosh's ramblings

Growing old while working in an institutional framework, is a dangerous place to be. A few things could happen if you are not careful. One could constantly live in the past. Live in the past “glory” and “knowledge”. Live always looking back and seeing those olden days as the better ones and being critical of what is happening today. And keep reminding the younger ones around you, I have seen all those, I know how things work out, a place of “knowing all” and emphasising this! One could sometimes, forget the past and live in the future. Looking ahead at a retirement life, counting the number of years to move out and then slowly lose interest in what is happening around. One would do what is required - if not you will be penalized and so keep pushing, always looking ahead. Or you could live today, fulfilling roles with proactive engagement. My own interaction with the aging generation and observing them, (I am now there) I have recognized that there are three groups of seniors...

I just returned from reviewing the patient who is brain dead and on ventilator. The purposes for which they want to hold on to life is, in addition to their love for their relative, a cultural mandate and expectation that no death should happen in the family when a marriage is organized. If death happens, marriage is set aside for one year. Since the patient’s condition was worsening and the possibility of imminent death is there, we shared about our inability to give any time line, how long the person will be alive. And interestingly the family had already thought through the culturally acceptable possible alternatives to protect the marriage, which came as a great release to all concerned in the care of the patient.  Which means that every cultural expectation or self-driven interests have a loop hole or a way out! This morning my personal reading was from the book of Isaiah, where King Hezekiah was told that he was to die soon. He then cries out to God and asks that his lif...

There are a few very sick patients in ICU as of now. One man, in his 50’s who came into causality and arrested there, possibly due to intra-cerebral bleed. The admitting doctor did an excellent job in resuscitating and putting him on the ventilator. But the patient due to the underlying disease situation, was already brain dead. He is now on ventilator for the past 4 days. The family wants him kept alive, because the daughter’s marriage is coming up in the next few days. If the father dies or any death happens in the family, no marriage can take place for more than one year. And the extended family wants to avoid this complexity. And we have been requested to make it sure that he remains “alive” till the marriage is over. There is another man, in his 40’s who is in and out of supportive ventilation after a pesticide ingestion. Though he wanted to take his life, today he wants to get out of ventilator soon. But as and when his wife comes in, his attitude changes – he gets angry...

We see every day on an average, one to two suicide attempts. A few years back what we would have seen was primarily young girls, or recently married girls coming in with suicide attempts. And the issues which they faced had some commonality. Stories of dowry, in laws , and other gender related issues. Today what we see is a totally different profile. Sometime later I will try to share the detailed demographics, but for this ramblings – a broad capturing of some profiles are being used. We have seen children as young as 8 to 9 years and elderly as old as in the 70s with stories of varied issues which has led them to explore a quick way out of this world. We still see a few women with gender related family issues who come with suicide attempts, but much less than what it was.   In an era when we are projecting our nation as the next destination for the world, the next economic super power, a world leader for many of the issues which the world faces today, for some of us, who...

A man, who had a safe and secure, culturally acclaimed government job, who threw this away at his middle age, not knowing what the future will hold. Joining a small mission organization, with no surety of the future, but a great vision and compassionate heart . A step in faith because of a heart and a vision he had. His heart was for – the then, most marginalized and rejected people of his and neighbouring states, who were dying of an incurable illness, rejected because of their behaviour, marginalized because of their illness, the Injecting drug users in Manipur and neighbouring states. His vision – a kingdom, where such rejection and pain will not be there, where the most marginalized can find comfort and care, a nation which will be free from such stigmatizing illness, and context where people in the margins can find unconditional acceptance which can lead to potential life transformation. Compassion, passion and vision together with a big picture vision on one hand bu...

The last few months, we have been bombarded with many discussions in print, and visual media on a series of issues that are affecting our nation. If you are like me, detached physically from all these but engaged mentally and emotionally, one gets caught in the visible and the audible – what is seen and heard. The voices are loud, the writings are prolific, the visual images are powerful and one allows himself or herself to be caught in the “profoundness” of these media circuses! And lose ability to “look beyond what you see”, or “listen beyond what you hear”.  But it is important at times to fast from these loud and impacting media cacophony, to reflect and ask, what is beyond the visible and audible. Nationalism is one such discussion. The words “Nationalism” and “Patriotism” and other similar words have been dissected so much that one is not any more sure who a Nationalist or Patriot is. Each power group decides on the definition which suits them and then label the rest as ...

A 30 plus year old man was brought to us in a moribund stage. Examination in the emergency revealed a semi-conscious man with signs of multiple infections in his lungs and brain. The disease was quite evident – HIV infection (Late stage AIDS) with multiple infections. His CD4 count was just 6. The relatives (2 brothers – one elder and the other younger) seemed to be surprised at the diagnosis and wanted this diagnosis to be kept confidential. Being from a reasonably well off family, they were talking about keeping confidentiality by moving patient from the ICU to a private room once he was stable. Some of us spend quite a bit of time, explaining the illness, the potential of full recovery etc. and they seemed to be convinced. But after 48 hours as time came to move the patient out of ICU they seemed to be confused, and wanted to shift to a general ward. Finances which was not an issue prior to this was highlighted as the issue at hand. Though not convinced, we agreed that he could be ...