Santhosh's ramblings

Behavioural patterns get pronounced as one gets older. Especially if one has a dementia or similar neurodegenerative diseases. What  the behaviours that will be pronounced is not in our control. But what potentially could is in our control today. Nurture those patterns which build your inner man, build others, build a community, and even if our faculties start deteriorating one can be sure that what is pronounced will be something which will not irritating to those who care for you. Neuronal damage was thought to be permanent, with no regeneration. Supressed non functional pathways will lead to diminishing functions but overacting other pathways enhanced expression of some functions. This happens in degenerative diseases. But recent understanding of neuronal regeneration has changed our understanding. In non degenerative diseases there has been evidence of neuronal regeneration. So, if we want to prepare for a potential life of degenerating physical and cognitive functions, I ne...

Worshipping when down.... Worship has become a 'feel good' activity where at the end of worship one needs to feel good if you want to label it as 'good'. The paradigm of worship being touching the heart of God, does not seem to be up in agenda. A casual question to a worshiper getting out of a worship service would draw the following responses - awesome, cool,  excellent, uplifting, or similar sounding words. I was recently worshipping along with an elderly person with moderate stages of Alzheimers disease. You could experience that the person was a worshipper in heart, but if you had asked her, how was the worship, she would not be able to respond because she would have forgotten the experience soon. So when you are down, how does one worship? How does one rate the experience? Physically down due to illness, emotionally down due the effects of the illness, worship is an act of will, based on certain facts which one holds on to and not how one is feeling. When spi...

I thought I knew how to care. I had a "humble pride" in the fact that years of working in health care settings, and working with those communities which are hard to care for had taught me the art and attitude to care. Till today when I was in for a surprise, when my true inner colour was exposed. We had brought home people closest to us to be cared for yesterday. I considered this privilege. And I knew this will not be easy, but I was prepared. Today is Sunday. One of those persons, who has advancing Alzheimers decided to join me and my daughter to go to church. A foolish decision rationally. Just settling into a new climate and context, exposing to the hot mid day sun of Delhi the first day of arrival is not a rational thing to do. The Dementia which prevents the person from accepting any alternative and makes irritatingly repetitive requests till accepted in the affirmative was difficult, but I gave in reluctantly. (with some resentment). Reflecting on this pattern...