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Me - the control freak

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We have some friends visiting us, all of us peers in age and profession. During one conversation, I found myself oddly irritated because I could not remember the details of a recent incident. I was mostly irritated with myself. I knew my memory failed me now and then - but surely not for recent events like this! That category, I thought, was reserved for phone passwords, misplaced spectacles, and the eternal mystery of why I opened the refrigerator. To my great encouragement, none of the others could remember the details either, though two of them had been actively involved in the event. Since I had not been directly involved, I consoled myself that I was not doing too badly. After an hour of intense frontal-lobe activity, (all) one of us - the surgeon in the group - suddenly produced the missing details. He had surgical memory, or his brain finally scrubbed in and joined the operation. The reality is that, at our age, this is not very unusual. Still, I get frustrated. I want to be in ...
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Freedom to be free

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This blog is mainly for those of us here in India, though others are welcome to read along too - after all, mindsets travel faster these days. I usually try not to get too serious in my blogs, but today I may drift in that direction a little.    Today is Independence Day. In the morning, I stepped out for the flag hoisting in our small housing colony. A senior member of the RWA spoke about remembering the past, celebrating the present, and taking care of the future - a neat little message for a morning gathering. Looking back over the last few years, the celebrations seem to have changed a bit. There appears to be more emphasis now on nationalism than on patriotism. Patriotism, to me, is a fondness for a place, its people, its way of life, and the freedoms that hold it together. It leaves room for questions, welcomes criticism from within, and does not need to look down on anyone else. Nationalism, on the other hand, can sometimes become a little more stiff-collared - more abo...
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Why do I ramble

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A friend invited me to join a writers’ group. I joined, but the question I was grappling with in my mind was: am I a writer? I ramble a lot; can the rambling of a confused mind be considered writing? I suppose she saw something in my rambling, and so I joined anyway.   But that started a journey of thoughts. How did I get into rambling? The first time I decided to ramble was when I was frustrated. Working in rural health care, you are faced with many situations and contexts that disturb, challenge, and confuse you. You talk to your team members, but they expect answers from you, a senior consultant. (I am a late rambler.) The only thing I could do was pour my frustrations out somewhere, and I found writing a good way to put them out there. A frustrated rambler, to be precise. But soon I realized that there were occasional readers who would get back to me with words of appreciation for my blog. Writers and ramblers need appreciation - but beware, this can become an addiction: the ad...
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Loosing legacies

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We are living through an interesting season as a nation. Many in the older generation - people roughly my age - struggle to understand the behaviour of the young. Having grown up in a patriarchal, male-dominated, hierarchical culture, we find it difficult when young people break away from the patterns we expect. Especially girls breaking away. Rather than admit our part in shaping this reality, which would feel like a failure, we look for scapegoats - political forces, neighbours, or anyone else.  Yet with 65% of the population under 35, we also recognise the need to speak their language, so we try hard to learn the words and expressions they use. It feels like a kind of FOMO - whether genuine or politically motivated is hard to say . On the other hand, the younger generation is clearly declaring, “Your generation has not left us anything to aspire to.” It may not be fully true, but looking around at the context, that is how they feel. They are a generation saying, “We will deliver...
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Unscrolling Life

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Recently, at a nearby mall, I saw a scene that encouraged me. For a moment, I wondered whether a quiet transformation was around the corner.  Children and young families were picking up piles of books at a book sale. Some children skipped from shelf to shelf with their hands full, while parents hurried after them, trying to keep up. The sale was lively and tempting, but I somehow managed to restrain myself and stay away.  Was this a revival of reading habits, or just a one-off event? And none of them had screens in their hands!  A few days later, while speaking with some young families about education, I noticed another emerging urban trend: parents moving children away from regular schools and toward homeschooling. Many seemed to be looking for alternatives to an education system they increasingly see as “NEETified,”* leak-prone - or “leakified” (Leaked examinations – a common occurrence in our nation) -  and narrowly career-driven.   Those conversations a...
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Rats and Roaches

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With all the events happening around us, I was reminded of something that happened to us a couple of years ago.  Disclaimer - "This story is not fictional. If any character or event accidentally resembles something or someone you know, please assume it’s because the universe has a sense of humour, not because I do. Any likeness to real people - living, legendary, or loudly opinionated - is purely coincidental and definitely intentional."   It was while we were in Delhi that the mystery began. Every night, strange sounds would come from the kitchen. Wires were being chewed up, little clues were being left behind, and there was clear evidence of what appeared to be a rather large rat moving about with far too much confidence. We lived on the third floor, so the first question was obvious: how had such a large rat reached us? Had it climbed the stairs? Or were Delhi rats, as part of their urban development, now trained in climbing up the walls?   One night, around midnight, ...
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Sensible Compassion: Principles I Thought I Had Mastered

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For years, I’ve proudly carried a set of principles to prevent compassion fatigue. They sounded noble, looked impressive for me, and made me feel like a seasoned elder in healthcare.   First, I practiced slow noticing. In reality, this  often meant noticing things only after they were pointed out by someone else. My version of slow noticing was sometimes so slow that the moment had already passed, the person had already left, and the opportunity for compassion had died of geriatric problems. Second, I believed in sensible boundaries. This sounded very mature until I realised my boundaries were mostly designed to protect my schedule, my efficiency, and my ability to walk briskly through corridors without being interrupted by humans. Third, I practised micro‑restoration. This was the one principle I genuinely excelled at - but mostly because it involved coffee, trees, and occasionally pretending I didn’t hear my phone ringing. I had convinced myself that these principles made me...
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