Santhosh's ramblings

This blog is not about our family weddings, but something deeper. Some recent weddings have taught me much - about myself and about our culture. I’m taking a bit of a risk by sharing some family stories, but let me reassure my family at the outset: my intention is not to embarrass anyone or to air our dirty laundry in public but use these events to reflect on the culture around us.  The question I’ve been grappling with, after attending a few family weddings over the past three years, is this: Why do fathers seem to have a harder time than mothers in letting their daughters go? Or is this just my perspective as a man - that we struggle more? One thing I’ve realised  is that men often have a harder time giving up control than women do. We are - broadly generalising  here - control freaks. These days, I find myself advising men my age or younger, (mostly baby boomers) who have daughters yet to be married, to watch the movie  Father of the Bride . I watched it before my...

I saw this in a market in another country recently. I wanted to have a taste of it, but it was too late that day and already full. So I thought I’d try another day. But I did take some photos and sent them to friends and family. The response I got was: “How can you even think about this?”; “Someone’s poison is someone else’s delicacy—how can that be?; “Are you going to eat a plate of the ‘abominable’?” one asked. Another response was almost: “How can they eat such things? Are they even human?” I was okay with the “whew’s,” “phew’s,” and “ugh’s,” but writing people off based on their cuisine - I found that a bit challenging. In the shrub in our garden, we get three types of birds. One - the hummingbirds - come in to suck the nectar. Then there’s the group that comes to pick up bird feed from the feeder. And finally, the crows that collect all the junk from the floor. But their food does not disqualify them from the family of  ornithes . Does what goes in - or what we eat - make us l...

Sometimes life speaks through metaphors - and lately, it’s been speaking through the eyes. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on three kinds of “visual challenges” I’ve been facing. Not all of them are medical. Foggy Vision It’s been raining heavily on this side of the country. Have you ever driven through a downpour where even fog lights, wipers on full blast, and reduced speed didn’t help? I am doing this - almost daily. And sometimes, the only safe response is to stop, wait, and start again once visibility returns. Driving a small car in that weather only adds to the struggle. Big trucks cruise past like floating ships, splashing pothole water over my windshield, making an already difficult situation worse. But here’s what I’ve noticed - these intense showers don’t last forever. They come in hard, but they pass quickly, often leaving behind a clear sky.  Isn’t that just like life? There are seasons when everything feels unclear, overwhelming, or simply out of control....

The past two weeks were filled with events that stirred many memories—some brought warm nostalgia, while one was deeply painful. The first was a get-together with schoolmates to plan support for our school as we mark the 50th anniversary of our batch. Most had plenty of stories to share about their school days, but I seemed to have forgotten most—except for one or two beatings I got from teachers—the pain. Yet, one thing stood out clearly: the memory of doing fun things (and for some, crazy and foolish things too—though I wasn’t all that crazy back then) with friends—the relationships. Read more The second was a reunion of our MBBS batch to celebrate one of our classmates who received a national award. There was plenty of talk about the remarkable work he has done, along with recognition of other notable people present—our batch includes national awardees, a medical college principal, a university Pro VC, and other professionals who have made a real impact. But as I drove back, what st...

In  The Better Angels of Our Nature  (2011), Steven Pinker argued that violence has declined significantly over time due to factors like state authority, trade, literacy, and reason. He believes continued peace depends on empathy and rationality - though not on religion or moral absolutes. And we will soon reach there, because we have better angels inside us than what religion or morality tells us!  Francis Fukuyama’s  The End of History and the Last Man  argued that the end of the Cold War marked the culmination of ideological evolution, with liberal democracy emerging as the final and most stable form of government. In a later work,  Liberalism and Its Discontents , he reflects on the challenges facing liberalism today, noting how it has been undermined by neoliberalism on the right and identity politics on the left - leading to societal divisions and threats to democracy. In less than two decades, the little angels seem to have been replaced by litt...

Discomfort with traditions did not start in this generation. Sometimes we (Baby Boomers) look at younger generations who do not want to follow any tradition and write them off in our minds. But then, when we were young, we did the same thing. The best movie I grew up with was  Fiddler on the Roof , a musical from 1964. In the ’60s, the world was struggling with these questions! So those of us who think the younger generations are the problem- remember, we too were young and were questioning things once! I have come back to my geographical roots eight weeks ago. Observing the context around me, I find it to be one of “Conservative Modernism” (if there is such a word). There are elements of tradition and conservative community life all around, but much of modernism too! And being part of some of these traditions after a long stint away has been interesting. The ones I have enjoyed and experienced thus far have had three elements: One  – Traditions bring memories from the past. B...