Memories...

The past two weeks were filled with events that stirred many memories—some brought warm nostalgia, while one was deeply painful.

The first was a get-together with schoolmates to plan support for our school as we mark the 50th anniversary of our batch. Most had plenty of stories to share about their school days, but I seemed to have forgotten most—except for one or two beatings I got from teachers—the pain. Yet, one thing stood out clearly: the memory of doing fun things (and for some, crazy and foolish things too—though I wasn’t all that crazy back then) with friends—the relationships.

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The second was a reunion of our MBBS batch to celebrate one of our classmates who received a national award. There was plenty of talk about the remarkable work he has done, along with recognition of other notable people present—our batch includes national awardees, a medical college principal, a university Pro VC, and other professionals who have made a real impact. But as I drove back, what stayed with me wasn’t the impressive achievements—it was who they were as people. Humble, grounded, and approachable individuals, despite being stalwarts in their fields.

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The third was painful. But my pain is nothing compared to what the family is going through. A 40-year-old young doctor collapsed and died at a railway station, with his wife trying to resuscitate him at the station and in an auto. Not many knew him, other than friends and colleagues who worked with them - because they were serving far from the limelight, in a remote location of our nation, trying to make a difference in the lives of people who are invisible to most of India. 

Yes, many shared about the great things he and his family have done. But what most of us were left with was the ongoing pain of losing a friend or a colleague - and the memory of the person for who he was and will remain in our minds, even though he is no longer with us. This cannot be equated to what the family is going through, and there are no words to describe that.  https://www.forevermissed.com/dr-ashley-john/about

What I am re-learning is this: there is a direct correlation between memories and pain, memories and loss, and memories and the depth of relationships. In one sense, a direct correlation between memories and love. The deeper the relationships, the closer you are, the stronger the memories, and the deeper the pain of loss. And these should not, and need not, be forgotten or wished away.

Yes, all the other memories - things one has done, accolades one has received, positions held - might be like the fading print on a paper, which over time disappears and one day will be lost from our memories.

Or like the birds that visit our garden - some that come off and on to pick up the food offered, or others who drop in by chance - some memories will come and go. But they won’t change our lives.

But the memories that remain—those shaped by love and life shared—are often the most painful, yet potentially life-transforming. I shouldn’t wish them away.

This is what the Good Book reminds us, too:

“Read up on what happened before you were born; Dig into the past, understand your roots. Ask your parents what it was like before you were born; Ask the old ones—they’ll tell you a thing or two.” (And don’t forget these.)

We are reminded not to have short, goldfish-like memories (read more), but to hold on to the memories that arise from love, life, and relationships. These are the memories that keep us grounded and help guide us in the right direction.