Three Random Conversations

Yesterday during my evening walk, I ended up having three spontaneous conversations. Here they are, with some added ramblings.

 

I visited an elderly uncle who no longer recognised me, repeatedly asking who I was despite our families’ close past relationship. Once a respected technical engineer in the Middle East, he had taught us about energy conservation and sustainability, even implementing solar panels and gardens at his home. Now, he has lost most of his memories but accepts it with a smile, unlike my mother, who struggled for years with her memory loss before eventually becoming unaware of it. Will I...?

 

As I left the house, I recalled this poem by Bonhoeffer:

 

“Who am I? This or the other?

Am I one person today and tomorrow another?

Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,

And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling? . . .

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.

Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!”

 

Does a person become someone else when they lose their memory? There is a current tendency to perceive the subjective, self-aware, cognitive self as the necessary qualification for humanness.

 

John Swinton, in his book Dementia: Living in the Memories of God, writes: “In order to make statements such as ‘She has lost her mind’ or even ‘His thinking is impaired,’ we make three key assumptions. First, we assume that we are competent to make such a judgment - and my point is that we are not. Second, we assume that the mind resides only within the boundaries of the individual's head… Third, we have a cultural tendency to assume that the mind is the essence of the person and that losing the ability to think clearly and intellectualise effectively is particularly important for who the person is and how their quality of life can be judged…The very name ‘dementia’—‘deprived of mind’—is a misnomer.”

 

He quotes Stephen Post: “We live in a culture that is the child of rationalism and capitalism, so clarity of mind and economic productivity determine the value of human life. The dictum ‘I think, therefore I am’ is not easily replaced with ‘I will, feel, and relate while disconnected by forgetfulness from my former self, but I am.’ Neither cogito (I think) nor ergo (therefore), but sum (I am). Human beings are much more than sharp minds, powerful rememberers, and economic successes.”

 

My second stop was at a gym nearby. I went to see if there was any way I could preserve my muscles. I have written about the desire to preserve youth earlier.

 

https://santhoshsramblings.blogspot.com/2024/08/creaky-joints.html

 

Gym is yet another way to preserve youth. Tucked away among the houses, where many octogenarians and nonagenarians reside, there is this gym in this small town. I felt a bit out of place but braced myself to have a conversation with the young owner. It went well. I saw one grey-haired person on the treadmill. Perhaps there are others of my age trying to preserve youth or muscles.

 

The owner offered me a trainer, a dietician, and a full programme - five days a week, either early in the morning or late at night. I left asking for time to think and sleep over it , suddenly concerned about feasibility, appropriateness, and impact on my sleep. More than that, I realised I needed to sort out not my body, but my heart. Am I desiring to postpone the inevitable, wanting to remain young or be trendy, or do I simply wish to live without confronting the fast-progressing ageing process?

 

Once I have clarity, I will focus on not my age, but my muscles and stamina. 

The third conversation was unintentional. A man walked alongside me and suggested we get to know each other. He was about my age, a retired commerce professor, much fitter than me - I was panting as I walked with him. 

 

He asked a medical question about persistently low good cholesterol. I went through various high-risk factors (family history, smoking, alcohol, blood pressure, diabetes, etc.), and since those were negative, I assured him to continue his lifestyle and not worry about medication.

 

He then said, “We need good physicians who will not prescribe too much. Can you start a clinic?” I politely refused, but he began telling me stories of family members caught in the web of economy-driven healthcare and how they have struggled. We discussed the challenges of running institutions (talking to a commerce professor!) and how systems are challenged. We parted ways agreeing that money drives everything.

 

Matters of Mind, Mortality, and Money - maybe it is better to live one day at a time with the currently agile mind, accepting each day as it comes, and being content and happy like the Good Book reminds: 

“I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”