Am I Crazy?

This blog is a travel blog. Annapurna Base Camp trek.

At the outset itself, I invite you on a journey. Rather, two journeys: one diagnostic, another experiential. (It is a bit long too – you can skip the reading for the pictures if you are too busy – but I advise you to stop, sip, savour, and move on.)

Diagnostic one – to decide if the author is crazy or normal. The author was almost convinced by the middle of the journey that he was crazy. This was acknowledged by close family members and a few observers. You too can come to your own conclusions.

 

Experiential one – I have tried to give as many pictures as possible (a photo blog) so that you can experience some of it. (To try to instil a bit of infectious craziness in you too.)

There are multiple reasons why people go on challenging journeys. The most likely one is to prove that he/she can do it – an adventurous spirit. But at the outset itself, I had mostly given up that spirit, knowing very well that I may not reach the end point. 

Past experiences reminded me-https://santhoshsramblings.blogspot.com/2024/04/climbing-mountains-creators-handiwork.html

 

The other reason is to enjoy the journey itself – but can one do that amid the aches and pains, groans and exhaustion? Yes, I had learnt that if you have a community of crazy people around you, that is possible and worth it.

 

The plan was to travel from Pokhara to Annapurna Base Camp (ABC) in three days and return in two days. In summary, we did it. If you want to stop reading here, diagnose and leave, you are free to do so. 

 

We were a group of five – age spectrum 25-65, two novices, two repeaters from the last trek, one expert, supported by a guide and two porters.

 

Let me take you through the five days.

 

Day 1 

 

The journey was from Pokhara to Jhinu by jeep and Jhinu to Bamboo by walk. A journey from 820 metres to 2,310 metres, covering 12 km and taking more than 17,000 steps of both upward and downward climbs.

In one sense, this was a day of clarifications and silencing.

 

Three clarifications were important since it was a mixed group, age and experience wise.

 

A – Clarification of purpose. One – the journey is more important than the destination. ABC comes second to Actual Business of Climbing. Two – togetherness is more important than reaching the summit. Three – do not live in the tomorrows but live in the present. Yes, amid aches and pains, see the beauty around!

 

B – Clarification of process. The distant location where we must reach (a vision) is motivating at times, but most times it was energy draining. We had to remind each other – do not look ahead at where we are going but look down and climb one step at a time, up or down!

 

But looking down and walking – one ends up not savouring the present. So, the process had to be clarified. The process was to – stop, sip (hydrate), savour (see around), start again. This could be every 10 steps, or 20 steps – but at your own pace. And look out for each other. There was not to be any comparison or competition.

 

The guide and the porters were the experts. They should be listened to and learnt from. And this listening really helped us in our journey. A question to our guide about when we will reach – 45 minutes? Two hours? – he would mostly say “maybe” – indicating that time is in our hands, keep walking at your pace!

 

C – Clarification of some perspectives. One – there are no winners or losers. I remember at one point a young lady from India (not part of our group – we had ended up creating community all through the journey) stopped me and said, uncle, you are winning! I had to remind her – today me ahead, tomorrow you are ahead. Only co-journeyers here. (She won.) Two – age and experience are important but not sufficient. Four out of five went through seasons of giving up, but there was that constant support from each other – to keep on walking.

 

The more important aspect of day one was – the silencing. Silencing of the inner voices. The inner voices of work to finish, past issues, unsolved present problems, future issues that needed to be addressed, would creep up in mind. If the journey had to be enjoyed, these voices had to be silenced. Tough call – but it had to be done. In the absence of mobile network, we were forcefully disconnected to freedom from the immediate and urgent. Time was beyond our control. And so, voices slowly started dying down, as we progressed through the ups and downs (literally) of the first day’s climb of more than 12 km.

 

Here are some pictures from Day 1.

 

Day 2

 

This day was supposed to be shorter and easier, (no expert can be believed – each expresses based on what they feel and not reality) but turned out to be longer and tougher. Maybe the initial enthusiasm was being replaced by reality. The plan was to reach Deurali – from 2,310 metres to 3,230, but we only made it to Himalaya at 2,920 metres.

 

I thought we were going up but we were in for a surprise – a deep descent. Every ascent had deep descents before it. My mind was going ahead of me – considering day four, when we would retrace these steps again. How will I climb up all these? I had to still these voices, only then would I hear the silence and sounds of silence.

 

Three deep experiences amid the aches, pains and exhaustion were – One, the sound of silence. There was an eerie silence all around, as if inviting us to listen to something more than the silence. It was in this external silence and inner silencing that the soft whispers became audible. The soft whispers from the creation around. You need to stop talking to each other and yourself to listen to these.

Two – the sounds in silence. There were the sounds of water falling down the mountains (multiple waterfalls), the sound of water flowing (river in gorge), the bells on the neck of ponies that were carrying essential goods up the mountains, the occasional bleat of a mountain sheep, the dogs trying to keep the flock of sheep together, the chirping of the birds and leaves falling.

 

Yes – one could hear the sound of the leaves falling! Reminding us of the impermanence of every living being, and the permanence of the non-living creation and Creator. Each sound was purposeful – not purposeless noises like we humans make, gently, purposefully fulfilling its role.

 

Three – these two led to solitude. A sense of an insignificant presence amid the grandeur of creation. Yes, insignificant (though I resisted it), the reality was that, in the presence of such grandeur, one felt small and tiny! But then there was a sense of significance – that we are in the presence of a greater and significant presence – the one who has created and is sustaining it all!

 

Here are some pictures from Day 2.

 

We reached Himalaya late evening, and it was risky to go ahead in the dark. Though we knew that the next day would be challenging, wisdom prevailed and two out of five were ready to give up. We needed some time for pep talks too!

Day 3

 

The journey was to be from Himalaya to ABC. 2,920 metres to 4,130 metres (4,150 to be precise). 15 plus or more km! We knew it was to be a long stretch. As shared earlier, upwards was not all upwards. It was up and down, and down and up. And as we went down with each descent and then up with each ascent, the elevation increased. We were feeling the low oxygen levels and our “Stop, Sip, Savour, Start” had to be more frequent for some of us.

 

And brain fog had hit too – or like my wife said later – you had a brain frog. (A frog in your brain.) But then we could not allow fog or frog to stop us from moving ahead. Nor prevent us from seeing the grandeur of creation. This is better expressed in pictures than narrative and I leave you to experience it.

 

The waterfalls

The transitioning mountains

 

Though expected to reach before sunset, our predicted pace took us into late night treks. Though tough, this was once in a lifetime experience – walking in the dark under a starlit night. And that too in minus temperatures (-5 to –8). The pictures tell it all.

 

This section of the journey was special. There was this unmistakable pull from the insignificant to the significant. The creation around calling us to see beyond what was visible, the grandeur of the creator.

 

Yes, from silencing the inner voices, listening to sounds of silence, we had reached a place of experiencing The Presence through the visible display of the created splendour.

 

Yes, it was – minus 10 degrees, body was groaning, we crashed onto bed, recognising that something had been awakened! And sleeping in anticipation, for the sunrise which was to be the culmination of our journey.

 

Day 4

 

This day was not just about returning but starting with a time to gaze at the majestic misty mountains, in freezing cold, sun falling on the mountains.

 

A daily display, put up daily by the creator, to remind us, communicate to us, that He is there all the time. I was reminded of some sections from the Good Book.

 

“Where were you when I created the earth? Tell me, since you know so much! Who decided on its size? Certainly you’ll know that! Who came up with the blueprints and measurements?”…“And who do you think is the father of rain and dew, the mother of ice and frost? You don’t for a minute imagine these marvels of weather just happen, do you?”

 

The return was expected to be long and tedious, and we made very detailed clear plans. And as usual, when I asked the guide if this is fine – he said, “maybe”. A wise man! We were to reach Bamboo in the evening – but it did not happen that way!

 

On the way back, at ABC itself, two interesting pictures caught my eye. Nothing extraordinary, but something that was being put as a question to me.

 

One – a board next to a dustbin – “Do not dirty the mountains, drop your garbage here”. Was it an invitation to drop life’s baggage, burdens, and garbage at the mountains and descend?

 

The next was a “sole” of a shoe left on the path. Many leave their souls in the mountains and keep coming back to reconnect with the soul. Was it a message to carry the soul back to the valley? I will not bore you with the details of the junk I left there, but I did decide to carry my soul back and not leave it there!

 

The journey of the day did not go as anticipated, the “maybe” becoming real. Going down was tougher than going up. Yes, downward mobility is tougher, but that is when you reach your home! But as mentioned earlier, it was never down and down, it was always up and down, down and up, like life too!

 

By the time we reached Himalaya, one person was ready to retire. Despite the offer of Uber pony support, the person categorically refused to budge. There was no other way but to separate into two groups. A couple of people (including me) had to catch a flight back. So, the community split into two, one group to stay at Himalaya and the other to stay at Dovan. Much different from all our clear plans in the morning. But the parting decision was, the group left back would secure a pony and join the rest somewhere en route the next day. Decision taken by me, the elder of the group. Because in four days, there was a sense of community and responsibility for each other. We have heard it said tough times build tough people, but tough times build community too!

 

A few pictures from day 4

 

Day 5

 

The final day had arrived. One team from Dovan to Jhinu and the other from Himalaya to Jhinu, one on a pony, the other scrambling alongside. Plans were made to catch up in between and then travel together.

 

Somewhere 2–3 hours into the journey, I started realising that I was becoming the rate-limiting step! Discussions happened, all told, you can do it, keep walking. I trusted none. So, reluctantly I asked the guide, you have seen me over four days, do you think I can make it in time for all of us to go? The expected answer came – “maybe”. Then he said, I will let you know when we reach the next stop (Sinuwa) if you need a pony, is that ok? Handing over diagnosis and management to others for a doctor is not easy, but then I realised he was the expert.

 

As predicted, (maybe), he turned around to me at Sinuwa with four hours of walk to go and said, you need a pony. And the rest of the journey was on a pony, along with two others (one from our group and another lady with a knee injury). 

Pony ride in hills is much different from plains. Ponies have a mind and a path of their own. They trot, run, jump and do what they want to do. But as the pony owners told us – trust the pony, they know. They will never make a mistake. Initially holding on in fear, later submitting and calling out to each other – trust the pony, trust the pony, finally we made it. With a good free back massage added in – part of the pony ride package, we reached but drenched in the rain and cold.

 

And travelled together as a group of 5+3 (guide and porters) back to Pokhara. Experts might be reading this and asking why all this fuss? Remember we were novices!

 

Last day was a day of taking back learnings, and I will not bore you here. Watch out for the next blog for that.

 

So, from silencing inner voices, listening to sounds of silence, seeing the creation and experiencing the creator, dumping our garbage, and coming down with a few take-home learnings, we finally made it.

 

Now you can make a diagnosis. Am I a little crazy – Yes – Maybe – No.

On the last day, in a conversation with the father of one of our group members, I said, “your daughter is a great lovely lady, a little crazy but”. He told me, Doctor, can you take that “little” out of your description. I realised, that says it all. 

So, whatever diagnosis you make, I am ok to be crazy and among a few others who were crazy too.