Masks

The man who came for a Medical checkup was rather arrogant with the Junior Medical officer. May be because she was a lady doctor. She was asking relevant history but he was getting angry and was trying to push her to a corner by objecting to answer most of her questions. She got upset with the way he was behaving and tried to make him see reason. But he was not relenting and so she asked me whether I could see him later when he comes in for his reports. The next day he came in for his reports. Walking in, one could see the haughty arrogant face. I asked him to sit down and started talking to him about some abnormal reports he had. His face seemed to show some change but soon he composed himself and told me – there is nothing wrong with him, just give the reports and fill up the medical forms and let him go. I was getting irritated with his manner. I was sure that I wanted to tell him about the abnormal reports and asked him to go to the examination table. Lying down, curtain drawn, he whispered in my ear – with no change in his face or manner – He has hypo-gonadism, he is on treatment, have not been able to marry since he can never produce a child and he is on treatment from AIIMS. The face was still the same, but stories were coming out, of his inner issues, of low self-esteem, which was guarded and kept as a secret from the world, by the external arrogance he was communicating.

Another man was shouting at the entrance to OPD. The helpers were finding it difficult to control him. He was trying to push his way in, but the helpers were trying to tell him that they had called his name multiple times and he was not there, and so he will be called in later. Since there was this argument going on, I was getting irritated, the work was getting disturbed, to sort out the issue I called him in. I asked him to sit down asked what the issue was. He said he is fine, he has no problem. I looked at his card – he had been referred from the infertility clinic for azoospermia. I asked him to go the next room where there was more privacy and I asked him, whether he know about his reports. He said yes 5 years back he was tested, and in anger he destroyed all the old cards and reports, but now he feels the need for treatment – because the need to have his own child was “expectation” of the community he was part of. Yet another person with a mask which covers his inner issues of “poor self-image” due to the inability to have a child.

The third man was in the ward his wife and son. Son who was about 15 has been having recurrent urinary infection since birth. Had come in for the first time to our hospital late night with some pain. I was trying to talk to the father and mother about the need for further evaluation and what the steps of the evaluation were and how much time it would take. He wanted immediate diagnosis, guarantee of a cure, all within a day. I, with quite a bit of suppressed inner irritation was trying to tell him, that an illness this long, needs to be investigated and then only I can tell him what the issue was. His voice and manner was not at all acceptable for me, I was getting angry and irritated. Then I saw his wife’s face – tears were forming in her eyes. He seeing that, said to me – I have lost one son in his childhood due to some illness, in this hospital, and this is the only son I have – I do not want anything to happen to him. His face was changing and seemed much softer. Yet another mask, but the mask taken off by the tears of the more sensitive wife. We referred the son to a higher center for evaluation.

The masks men wear and walk around with! (Do women wear too?) To cover their inner brokenness and poor self-image! And the mask communicates to the world outside, that they are self-made, competent, able, authoritative, and needs no help. Whereas many carry poor self-image, brokenness and insecurity deep within, covered off from the world by this mask.

What could take the mask away to show the real inner brokenness? May be a closed door conversation, and straight talk or a sensitive woman by the side? Or community that unmasks the masks? 

What masks do I wear?

How can I see beyond the masks people wear….? How can I keep cool and calm in the midst of people with masks, not willing to take them off….?