Nostalgia

Nostalgia is good, but one need to realize that the world around is no more like of the past. Traveling and visiting my parent’s friends, KV Mathew and M J Joseph Achan and Kochamma, brought back nostalgic memories from my father and mother. For those who may not know us, my parents were Thomas Mathew Achan and Kochamma, passed away in 2016, and 2014, respectively, after many years of serving the church and other ministries.  I was taken back in my memories to November 2016, when I came back 3 months after my father’s funeral, to wind up some issues at home and meet all my parent’s friends. That trip back home was special. This was a time to listen to my parent’s friends. I have written about this in another blog, and I quote from that – “But as I continued to listen, especially to friends and relatives about my parents lives and their contributions, what I was left with was, not cash, concrete mansion, their contributions or career. Yes, there is some cash left. The concrete house is crumbling down. They did contribute to their fields they choose. But these are not what I heard about. I heard was about character. The legacy of character. How their lives influenced others. It was about care and compassion. The legacy of love and legacy left through relationships they cultivated.” https://draft.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/preview/577543100161913384/8900394474602651445

In one sense, this was what I experienced throughout my growing years. As a Pastors (Achan’s) son, we were told by friends, Pastor’s children generally become rouges! I actually lived thinking that I will end up as a rouge! But today looking back, I can identify a few things from my parent’s life, that seemed to have contributed to what I am today. At the end of the day, it was God’s keeping, but may parents life did contribute.

One was – relationships are more important than accolades or achievements. I saw this role-modelled. Most days my father was out. I would ask him – where do you go. House visiting! I remember he  taking over a prestigious parish when I was in my teen years. The first month – he had planned to visit all 400 plus families in 30 days. These were days before Achans owned cars or scooters! He had a cycle and that was his mode of transport, which I ended up inheriting later! And our house always had visitors coming to stay – from the previous parishes they had been in. Relationships that left an impact in my life – lives that I observed, lives of faith, lives of pain and struggling, but being supported in their journey by this Achans family, by just being there. Yes, there was the church management issues, but those issues would never overtake the relationships or house visiting’s…

The second aspect of their life that challenged me was – the long-term commitment to the call and vision that had received as young people. There were many times, there were questions in their minds, due to the directions the church was taking, the leadership issues, and other discouragements. But they would go back to the call and vision they had received from God (of course through people) and hold on to that. My father would talk about Yuhanon Marthoma who gave him a vision for church ministry. My mother would talk about the CMS missionaries and other leaders ho challenged her to be a teacher. But would finally come back to God, whom they believed was the one who called and gave them this vision, through these people of God. A tenacity to continue amid various discouragements, a clarity to renew the vision and realign life in line with that vision, every season of their lives.

The third aspect was one of worship – a life of worship. The liturgy and rituals, were not an end in itself, but an door way to worship. Most times when my father celebrated communion, somehow I felt different. There was a feeling that the chants and readings, were not words only, but coming from a heart that was pouring out to God. Even the messages would not be much of intellectual and theological content, but issues that speak to the daily lives of the parishioners. He knew he was not a theologian or very intellectual but would speak from the heart. And that would speak to people because God was using his simple ordinary sharing to influence lives!  Worshipping and leading others to be worshipers.

The fourth was a life of faith and character. There were many times, he was questioned about some of the decisions he took. Some choices he had made amid complex issues where there were major differences in opinion in the parishes, leading to questioning his character and credibility. There were personal life accusations he faced. But as children we saw two things. A life of integrity, of which we were 100% sure. A life of simple faith that God will somehow work things out!

And the fifth of many more such influences were, a life of intentional investing in lives! At different seasons of their lives, I saw people coming home to pray, to be counselled to be accompanied and just listened to! They sought out people who needed help, in turn people turned to them for help too.

The nostalgia was, I heard almost similar things from my parent’s friends, whom I met, who were in their 90s and late 80s. But at the same time, I met 2 other achans in active service. Both close friends from my college days. One was busy sorting out finances of the parish and the dioceses. The other was busy sorting out property issues, and mostly managing assets. May be church world has changed around us, but what made me what I am was, my parents who role modelled different lives as Achan and Kochamma! Aspects of life, I would trade anything for, even today, though contexts might have changed!