Healthy joy in pain

I remember as a young child growing up with a recurrent nasal allergy and frequently falling sick. It was complicated by a history of febrile seizures. So, I was protected from undue exposure by well-meaning parents. This had in addition to the protective effect had some pleasure too. I remember enjoying the special care and concern. And at times feigning being unwell (late night when fearful thoughts come in) and parents waking up to care and console me. And this becoming a recurring behavior trait for a few years. Today as a physician I can imagine the concerns my parents would have had as non-medical people. Every possible medical treatment was tried on me, now I feel that more because of the feigning than real illness. Recently sharing a pain  I was experiencing with friends, I was wondering if I was exaggerating it to receive care more than what I really need! My old traits acting up.

I have seen many such patients later in life as a doctor. I remember RK who used to come every week, late at night with breathing difficulties. He might have come more than 15 times. He was HIV positive and had some cardiac issues too. But most nights when we saw him, we would not find and clinical signs to suggest an organic cause for his symptoms. In one of our conversations the truths emerged. He was afraid of dying, he was guilty that he had passed on the infection to his wife and son (though he had told his family he got it from his wife). He found in our care Center people who will not question his status but receive him and console him. He had got into a cycle of developing physical symptoms (now we know it as panic disorder) and that becoming a behavioral pattern to find care and comfort. There was nothing wrong in this because he had multiple major issues he was grappling with. (He died few months after this conversation.)

But there are children and others who were brought by family with no underlying serious issues but mild symptoms but exaggerated, time and time again. The precipitating issue may be a painful classroom experience or other challenging contexts. A pain of exaggerated physical pain being used by a challenged heart to receive love. A heart that yearns for love and care. An unhealthy use of pain at times for pleasure.

There is ‘health neutral’ way of accepting pain. By a rational mind and looking at pain through a detached mind, not allowing the heart to affect the thinking. This is what Jobs’ wife and friends did. There is a rational explanation, accept it and do not allow your heart, emotions, or pain to influence your mind. You have done wrong, and you are facing consequences, accept it. We see a variation of this all around us too. The world is bad, we can only expect pain and challenges, we have to bite through this and come out. Try all within our abilities to get out of pain but if impossible, accept it and move on.

There is a third way. A healthy way of living or engaging with pain. A way that recognizes the inevitability of pain and brokenness. A way that looks realistically at the cause, the remedy, and potential outcomes of pain. But a way that also realizes pain is not to be brushed aside but received with some anticipation. That through this pain, something good can come out. For this we need to learn how we can engage with pain in a healthy way.

What is a healthy way for a us? Pouring out the pain and the emotional challenges to God. Recognizing that pain today can be joy in anticipation of the good that could emerge tomorrow. Joy today because we are not alone when we go through pain. We have a God who pains when we pain and journeys with us in our pain. This God is not immune to pain of humanity but one who has experienced much more than we have and is still pained with the brokenness he sees in his creation.

 How healthy is my response to pain today I wonder?