Waiting and Wasting

As a young doctor, when I entered a rural mission hospital to work for a year or so, I was convinced that I was wasting my time. I was waiting to get into residency, and working there was not the optimal path to secure a residency of my choice. However, there was an inner compulsion pushing me to give it a try. On the other hand, I was certain that it would be a waste, and I expressed this to the senior doctor who had invited me to work for a year. He gently told me that a year of apparent waste might not be wasted if it helped me gain clarity about my life since I was not particularly clear at that time. I didn't believe him then, but I decided to go through with that one year of seemingly wasted time and life.

In life, waiting is often viewed as a period of wasted years. However, a contemplative examination of stories from the Bible teaches us otherwise. Take Abraham, for example. He received a promise to become the father of many nations but spent his whole life wandering from place to place, waiting for that promise to be fulfilled. Consider Moses. After a failed attempt to help his own people, he had to flee for his life. He spent 40 years in the desert, tending to his father-in-law's sheep, seemingly wasting away 40 years. Habakkuk witnessed the destruction of Jerusalem and was so distraught that he complained to God about His inaction. Yet, he waited and watched for God to act and respond. Even Jesus waited on the sidelines for 30 years before emerging and starting His public ministry. Jesus' approach to Lazarus' illness is also enlightening: He waited three days, and by the time He arrived, Lazarus had already passed away.

 

Were these years of waiting and seemingly wasted time? Or was God at work during these periods? A thoughtful examination of these stories reveals that these seemingly wasted waiting times were transformational in their lives. We can draw three conclusions from these accounts. First, their perspectives were being transformed. The waiting period was a time for them to change their understanding of who they were and who God was. Second, their relationship with God was being challenged, changed, and transformed. And third, their life directions were being altered.

 

This is what God does as we wait and seemingly waste time. He changes us and challenges us to draw closer to Him, receiving new directions for our lives.

 

In my 18 months of waiting, I made the decision to let go of my dream of becoming a surgeon and pursued a career as a physician. My perspectives on medicine and my career underwent a transformation, and my walk with God received a significant push forward.

 

I hope for more periods of wasting and waiting in the future!

A story to reflect 

Zorba the Greek by Nikos Kazantzakis

      

I remember one morning when I discovered a cocoon in the back of a tree just as a butterfly was making a hole in its case and preparing to come out. I waited awhile, but it was too long appearing and I was impatient. I bent over it and breathed on it to warm it. I warmed it as quickly as I could and the miracle began to happen before my eyes, faster than life. The case opened; the butterfly started slowly crawling out, and I shall never forget my horror when I saw how its wings were folded back and crumpled; the wretched butterfly tried with its whole trembling body to unfold them. Bending over it, I tried to help it with my breath, in vain.

It needed to be hatched out patiently and the unfolding of the wings should be a gradual process in the sun. Now it was too late. My breath had forced the butterfly to appear all crumpled, before its time. It struggled desperately and, a few seconds later, died in the palm of my hand.

That little body is, I do believe, the greatest weight I have on my conscience. For I realize today that it is a mortal sin to violate the great laws of nature. We should not hurry, we should not be impatient, but we should confidently obey the eternal rhythm.

~ Nikos Kazantzakis, from Zorba the Greek