Abstract conversations

In my home state, there is a morning ritual in every house. Open the obituary page and see who has passed on the previous day. This page is specific for each region of the state and updated each day. During my younger days, this covered only half a page. Now it goes over into almost two pages. I am not sure if this is an indication of increasing morality rates since this state has the highest life expectancy or that more people are using these services. A friend reminded me - this whole state is an old age home.

I was talking to a 98 year old uncle who is physically and mentally very stable. His only regret is that he can’t read this page due to decreasing eye sight. 

This brought a realisation. In such connected communities reminders of death and mortality are always there if you open up news papers. 

I was reminded of a book written by L S Dugdale published during covid season on “the lost art of dying”.

She talks about how our culture has overly medicalized death and how dying is often institutional and sterile, prolonged by unnecessary resuscitations and other intrusive interventions. She says we are not going gently into that good night—our reliance on modern medicine can actually prolong suffering and strip us of our dignity. And challenges us that our lives do not have to end this way.

She wrote how Centuries ago, in the wake of the Black Plague, a text was published offering advice to help the living prepare for a good death. Written during the late Middle Ages, ars moriendi—The Art of Dying—made clear that to die well, one first had to live well and described what practices best help us prepare. 

Inspired by its holistic approach to the final stage we must all one day face, she draws from this forgotten work, combining its wisdom with the knowledge she has gleaned from her long medical career. She gives much insight and thoughtful guidance that will change our perceptions.

Some suggestions she gives include ways to recover our sense of finitude, confronting our fears, accepting how our bodies age, developing meaningful rituals, and involving our communities in end-of-life care. One key aspect of these are reminders of mortality.

But mortality is something we would like to ignore and not talk about because it raises discomforting and disorienting questions for most of us. Or talk about in abstract. 3000+ deaths in the Israel Palestine region, 5000+ in Ukraine and Russia, a few 100s in Manipur and the many who die in our own nation not after a well lived life but of unseen and unforeseen events are just data and numbers for me.

But to live a life of wisdom and number our days well, these reminders are key. And non abstract conversations on the finitude of life. But recognise that we move from one finitude to another beginning…