Phobia

Travelling alone is a time when phobias are manifested. Last few months of traveling brought up two phobias. Fear of crowds and fear of heights – Enoclophobia and Acrophobia.

I always had some of these and other phobias, but never thought much about these. But recent conversations with AI bots advised me, that I might have ‘generational trauma’ or ‘childhood trauma’ as potential underlying causes.  Despite deep reflection, I could not come up with any definite evidence of such past trauma. The only thing I could come up with was, I was not exposed much to crowds or heights in the past! So might be a reason for enoclo and acro phobias?

We live amid an epidemic of mental health issues. One common conversation we come across is, ‘I am like this, fears or anxiety is because of my past, when people treated me not as well as they should or did not give me exposure I should have had.’ Of course there are many who have had past trauma, experiences that might have been traumatic. These must acknowledged and dealt with. But then for many like me, phobias are part of life. But in the recent travels, I learnt a few ways to manage my phobias.

 

Walking around in a crowded market, as I shared about my challenge of enoclophobia. some of the friends accompanying me, shared about the phobias they have. People much younger and those whom I expected to be confident. And it dawned on me, I am not the only one, there are many others. I think I am the only one who has fears, and my life and experiences are the centre of my thoughts and concerns. It was good to be reminded that I am part of a community of people with similar and differing phobias. And intentionally decide to walk with that community. 

 

The other aspect that I learnt was, we need to step out and address the fear some time in life. My acrophobia was partially addressed like this. I was standing as the last participant of a group of 60 plus year old men, trying a high wire cycling (Forced into the same against my wishes). As I waited for my turn, heart started pumping, body sweating and legs trembling. But then I had no way out (I did not want to chicken out - fear of failure and acceptance), and the only way was to step out and try it out closing eyes. I walked to front of the queue and did it! Not that the fear of heights ended but was one step towards a new journey. In a recent trek on a mountain, heights did not frighten me as it did in the past (there were some palpitations!)

 

The third was – speak the truth into your heart. Do not listen to your heart! The heart and the feelings mostly do not tell you the truth. The truth is based on facts. Crowds will not crush you, heights will not push you down, unless someone intentionally pushes you down!  This speaking truth and reminding self and each other, protects one from following the path of phobias.  This is what David did, when he was feeling down and depressed. In Psalms he says, "Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul, Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God - soon I'll be praying again." (The Message Psalms 43:5)

Did he carry insecurity from the past of his father and brothers ignoring him, Saul rejecting him, his failures, with his illicit relationship and managing his children? May be – we will not know. But he did not allow that to push him down, he had found a way out by speaking to his own heart! 

 

There are more phobias to unearth and unravel! Like the fear of going inside a CT Scan tube – claustrophobia. 

That should be mine and our plan. To unearth and unravel by walking with a community, stepping out in faith and speaking to our heart, the truth...