Fears

I refused to conquer my fears a couple of months back. We were on a family vacation, and my son-in-law decided to go for a swim in the ocean and snorkelling.  

 

I should not have tried it - snorkelling. Maybe I wanted to prove that I was not inferior when it came to facing challenges in life. Perhaps I refused to accept that I was not as young as I thought I was—or maybe something much deeper was at play. He knew how to swim well, while I had a mortal fear of water! I still can’t understand why I decided to snorkel.  

 

Cutting the story short, with goggles and an air tube in place, I gently entered the water, but I refused to release my hand from the rope that guided us into the snorkelling area. I had a life jacket securely fastened around my body, too! Yet, after a few futile attempts to let go, float, and experience what could have been a once-in-a-lifetime moment, I returned disappointed.  

 

Reflecting on this experience, three things stand out. I was unwilling to release my hands from the rope, would not allow myself to float, and was not willing to keep trying to see underwater. I gave up too early. 

 

A lifelong habit of holding on to fears—perhaps from the past—along with my desire to stay in control and not allow the water to carry me led me to give up too easily.  

I wonder how things would have been different if I had done three things.  

 

One - Float Backwards into the Future  

 

There were many who had gone ahead and were floating! Even I had experienced this once before. Why did I forget the past examples of those who had succeeded? Why did I forget my own past experience? That should have helped me! But I panicked ☺️. 

"Walking backwards into the future" is a Jewish understanding that refers to the concept that the past is considered "in front" of you, while the future is "behind." This means that as one moves forward in time, this perspective encourages looking back at the past to guide one's steps into the unknown future—essentially "walking backwards" toward what lies ahead. This interpretation stems from the structure of the Hebrew language, where the word for "past" is associated with "before", and the word for "future" is linked with "behind."  

 

Two - Float Forwards in the Present  

 

Instead of looking around and beneath me into the water, I should have looked ahead at the awaiting opportunity and let go of the rope. The life jacket was on—there was no way I would have sunk!  

 

As wisdom literature says:  

"Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts. Don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead, and ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust." 

 

Three - Use the Past and Future as Motivation to Float in the Present  

 

Because it is in the present that the past makes sense. It is in the present that the future emerges. The present becomes the past, and the future becomes the present when I choose to live in the now. 

 

I knew in my heart and mind that “I would be held up” by the life jacket on my body! Or, as in life, “Underneath are the everlasting arms.”

 

Maybe I will get another opportunity.