I tend to forget

Once you cross 60, memory becomes a constant companion - sometimes as a gentle reminder, sometimes as a nagging worry. You start thinking about remembering because you tend to forget.

Last week, for instance, both of us spent an hour searching for a bag - a big, visible one - only to find that I had kept it in a place where bags are not supposed to be kept! And this isn’t a one-off phenomenon. I’ve written about memory before, but here I am again, circling back to the same theme, a sign of MCI! 

 

https://santhoshsramblings.blogspot.com/2023/08/gold-fish-memories-and-mediterranean.html

A couple of weeks ago, I met a 95-year-old family friend, now mostly confined to bed. A retired professor of Theology, a college principal, and a man of immense wisdom. He recognized me instantly and spoke with clarity about many past things. At one point, he paused and said apologetically, “Sorry, these days I keep repeating myself. I asked you the same question many times. I’m losing my memory.” Then, after a moment of reflection, he added, “But God is good. No, I’m not losing memory - my thinking capacity is declining a bit. This is a season given to me by God, to reduce thinking. Maybe I overused my brain in the past, and now it needs rest. And some things are worth forgetting anyway.”

His words struck me. His recent memory was fading, yes, but his past memory was phenomenal - far sharper than mine. 

In neurology, we call this an anamnestic state - a decline in explicit memory for recent episodes - or anterograde amnesia, the inability to store and recall new knowledge. 

But here’s the irony: while he remembered the past vividly, I struggled to answer his questions about events and people from decades ago. Why is it that people my age seem to have more retrograde amnesia - forgetting the past - than the older generation, who may lose recent memory but hold on to their history?

My theory? The senior generation lived fully in each moment. They created strong neuronal pathways because they were present, undistracted. We, on the other hand, were multitasking, rushing, distracted - never fully there. Created weak pathways that did not last.

And then came another question: Is losing memory a good thing? I instinctively want to say no - because memory connects us to the past, anchors us in the present, and carries us into the future. But there’s truth in what my friend said too. Some things need to be forgotten. Others deserve to be remembered.

Perhaps the answer lies in intentionality. A Gratefulness Journal could help reinforce positive memories from the past, creating strong pathways that overshadow the ones we’d rather forget. A Grumblers Journal for the present could release frustrations - once written down, they lose their grip. And for the future? If we are spared medical dementia (which is beyond our control), the pathways that remain will be those that bring joy - to us and to others.

I know I’m rambling. But maybe that’s part of age-related MCI—Minimal Cognitive Impairment. But I am thankful for that conversation with that senior friend. His conversation on memory was preceded by something more profound. 

“There are only three absolutes in life - birth, life and death. The short life is what we need to consider as a gift. We had no control over our birth nor over our death. Even when I am on this bed God is there with me. Some of us think when we are in pain (or lose memory) God is not there, no he is there. Some of us think that when we sin God is not there. No, that is when he is nearest to us, trying to reach out. But he does not tell us when we will die. If he told me in two years I will die, though I say I don’t fear death I will get anxious. So, it is better for me that I don’t know.” 

 

As for me, I’ll keep writing about memory - if only to remind myself that I still have some left! Maybe one day I’ll even remember why I kept the bag where I kept it. Until then, I’ll keep my Gratefulness Journal close and my car keys closer.