Santhosh's ramblings

Travelling alone is a time when phobias are manifested. Last few months of traveling brought up two phobias. Fear of crowds and fear of heights – Enoclophobia and Acrophobia. I always had some of these and other phobias, but never thought much about these. But recent conversations with AI bots advised me, that I might have ‘generational trauma’ or ‘childhood trauma’ as potential underlying causes.  Despite deep reflection, I could not come up with any definite evidence of such past trauma. The only thing I could come up with was, I was not exposed much to crowds or heights in the past! So might be a reason for enoclo and  acro phobias? We live amid an epidemic of mental health issues. One common conversation we come across is, ‘I am like this, fears or anxiety is because of my past, when people treated me not as well as they should or did not give me exposure I should have had.’ Of course there are many who have had past trauma, experiences that might have been traumatic....

I saw this dog today morning, and I was reminded of this quote from the good book: “A dog returns to its vomit,” and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.” Here it was the dog in the mud. We cannot find fault with the dog. It was hot, and this cool water, though muddy, was the best option for him.   It was following its own heart—it was hot, it needed to cool its body, found water, and lay in it. The heart and desire overtook the intellect. What I feel is what I want, and what I want is what I will seek and try to acquire. The potential outcomes of the acquisition can be thought about another day. Instant gratification is what I want.   The follow-your-heart experts tell us, “If you follow your heart, you free yourself to become the person you truly want to be and live the life you want, and it's so worth it.”   I thought I would try it for a day. The problem was I had to give it up within a few hours. I got up feeling extremely lazy and thought I wo...

A friend of mine sent this in a common group. “Pray for our city, especially those with no means and resources to face these terrible days. I am down with a heatstroke. But I am grateful to have my doctor son care for me at home. I feel deeply for the poor and the slum dwellers. May the Good Lord intervene and save us all.”   I have been complaining about how hot the city I live in was, little realising that many of my friends are facing much more challenges. But then I am part of the upper middle class, who can sit in the coolness of an AC and write about heat wave and climate change – the Armchair (AC) blogger!   It is not only heat, the floods in Mizoram and Manipur and Kerala over the last week!  As I thought about this, it dawned on me, that I represent the rest of humanity. My study is glass windowed and becomes quite unbearable in the daytime. Friends who came in all have advised me to put an AC in my Arm Chaired study! I have resisted thus far since I can move int...

I am marked again!  In 2019, after exercising my voting rights in rural Bihar, I wrote a blog reflecting on my observations and learnings. Far from the corridors of power, I ended with a hopeful note: "But to have a say with an unbiased mind, not biased by your group loyalties, an uncontrolled choice – not controlled by the undemocratic powers that be, is what we should pray for. A nation that votes with a free mind and will, but freedom undergirded with the desire for justice, liberty, equality, fraternity, and dignity of everyone, as enshrined in our constitution. That the vibrancy of grassroots democracy permeates the corridors of power too! And pray that God will bring in leaders who will facilitate this unbiased uncontrolled vibrancy!" https://santhoshsramblings.blogspot.com/2019/05/ijust-returned-as-marked-man.html Much water has flowed under the bridge since then. Today, as I cast my vote in NCT Delhi, close to where the power plays happen, I observed some striking sim...

Much of life is lived in the “interim.” Interim is defined as “not final or lasting; temporary until somebody/something more permanent is found.” As a child, you are waiting to grow up. A teen would want to become independent as soon as possible. A student would want to finish their education and get a job to make money. If you are waiting to find a partner, life is lived in anticipation of that day when you will find your heart’s desire. Busy middle-aged people are waiting for the retirement day! And if you are at my age, where formal employment is over, but you are still active formally and informally, you are waiting to see what the future will be like. As of now, we are in a two-month interim in our nation. Elections are ongoing, and we are waiting for something to happen. One group is waiting for the current dispensation to come back with more power, while others are waiting for a change. Again, waiting for something to happen!   There is a mindset that one tends to develop as...

I remember the opportunity, we as a family received to care, when my mother was living with Alzheimer’s.     You can read more details of that season in this blog.     https://santhoshsramblings.blogspot.com/2014/06/hands.html   Reflecting about that season, some things stand out.  A sense of gratitude - The opportunity that we got to care for our mother, was something we would never trade for anything else. It was a privilege that we as a family received to care for the person who spent her whole life caring for us and many others like us.  Many lessons learnt - of which one was - We are frail, dependant human beings who need to be cared for at different stages of our life. One day we might be the care provider, tomorrow we will need to receive care with grace!    John Wyatt says in one of his videos, “dependence is not an alien or subhuman or undignified condition. No, it's part of the narrative of every human life. We all come into this wo...

Martin Luther King Jr.   “ Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” “I have decided to stick to love...Hate is too great a burden to bear.” “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” “Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase.” “If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” “But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.”   “Let no man pull you so low as to hate him”   “There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor  popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”   “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupid...