Vulnerability Authority

Recently, in a message, one of our friends talked about Vulnerability and Authority (understood as taking responsibility for one’s own life). He said Jesus modeled vulnerability—when He opened His heart to His friends and handed over His life to His enemies—but on the other hand, He took authority by intentionally giving up His life (though He could protect and preserve it) because that was what He came for.

Over the last two weeks, as we began saying goodbye to many friends we've come to know over the past few years, this truth dawned on us: the closest friends we had were those who had been open and vulnerable, and at the same time, were on an intentional journey of transformation—taking the authority and responsibility they had, to move ahead in life. And in that journey, they challenged us to be vulnerable and move ahead, too!

If we put this into a Johari window format, this is how it would look:

We are so grateful to have encountered many in the green box—those who challenged us to be vulnerable and take steps forward in life. That is what makes leaving them and moving on so challenging! Most of them were from the community of faith we were part of. 

But there were some in the red box—primarily some of my patients—who would share only what they wanted to and wouldn’t do what I asked them to do. This was probably because they had encountered multiple others like me telling them what to do, and they ignored their advice, too. But they had some plans of their own, too! It may be better than my plan for them!

There were other patients who wouldn’t share much but would go overboard in action! Because I once prescribed Azithromycin for a bad bacterial respiratory infection, now every time they have an itchy throat, they start the same medication—and even recommend it to their friends, using my name as the prescriber! The purple box ones! 

Then, there was the occasional “yellow box” person, who would share their problem, medical or otherwise, with all its colors and emotional depth, telling a moving story. But every time we met, the story repeated—because they lacked either the courage or the know-how to take authority. Brené Brown, in her book Daring Greatly, calls them the “floodlighting” or “smash-and-grab” people—those who use vulnerability for their own gain, either to soothe pain or to manipulate and grab attention, without taking responsibility to move forward.

But I now realize that I've done quite a bit of wandering in the domains of 'floodlighting' or 'smashing and grabbing'!

 

I suppose I should leave red in the past and move to green completely, taking the example of the Master and the friends we are leaving behind!