Santhosh's ramblings

As we went through the “home calling” of my mother, the events which surrounded the same, over last few days, I have been forced to reflect on a few issues, here are some stray disjointed ramblings…. Holding on Vs Releasing – Our natural tendency is to hold on, to whatever we own and or whatever/whoever is close to us. Holding on, many a times not for selfish reasons, but good and commendable reasons. But the ability to release when it has to be released and not to hold on, is what we need wisdom for. Not only release physically, but an inner release. But we need to still hold on – to memories, lessons learnt and many other things. Living daily, with detached attachment, or released holding on, is a part of our life in this world….how do I live in this balance…. A related issue is – healing vs curing, or healing without curing. Or on another perspective, life preservation vs life giving by releasing physical life….Physicians (I mean MD Medicine) are programed to cure! They...

The beginnings of our life and the initial years, we have no control over our life and what happens to us. The end and the time which is near that, we have no control. Others decide what we should do, where we should be, what we should eat and wear and many such other things… The beginning is easy – we come in new, have not had the experience of being in control but we grow up soon! Our own inner nature – tells us – take control! Adam and Eve did it, in the Garden of Eden and this is in our nature! And all this who are around tells us, helps us to move from lack of control to a controlled life, where we are in control of our life…. Over next few years we learn and excel in the art of control. We control our bodies, our minds, our heart and our emotions, and even the “spirit”….Some of us go beyond our own lives and take control of the people around, the situations around, and world around us…. Every now and then, God surprises us – by engineering circumstances and allowing ...

I watch these hands which signifies many things to me. Hands which cared for a whole life time. Cared for her children, grandchildren, mother, brother and many others who passed through these hands in her life time. Cared by touching, cleaning, washing, protecting and many other ways…. Today, they need to be cared for…..it can’t care for itself…leave alone others…. Hands which corrected and directed many. Her own children, grandchildren, many students who passed through her hands. Directed for the greater purpose of the values and Kingdom community she is part of and of which she wanted all to be part off. Hands sometimes directed through chastising… Today they need to be supported to direct her own life…..it can’t direct others….even herself…. Hands which consoled many. Many who went through brokenness, pain, confusion, challenges in life, physical, emotional and spiritual, economic, social etc….At the cost of pain to her and her family, at the cost of lost time, mo...

As I sit next to an aging parent who is emotionally labile, cognitively disabled and physically challenged, one tends to observe more than what I would have done in a hospital clinical situation. In the midst of all the caring provided by many family members, there is one intervention which seems to have a special effect on her. I want to call this “The Power of Touch”. She usually, from where she is sitting will move her hands around looking for another hand to hold. As if to hold and “feel the presence” perhaps? The power of presence which calms the labile emotions? She seems to quieten down if such a hand is nearby. I often wonder, if I had a way to probe into the emotions of a cognitively challenged person….Touch which gives calming presence to a labile emotion… The other time she will look for a hand is when she wants to get up and try moving. Spending the whole day in a wheel chair, would seem purposeless even for a mind which is seemingly at the end of any “reasonable f...

While working in a mission hospital in South, the ward I was in charge had this picture of a chimpanzee, with the caption, “the more I think, the more I am confused”. Being young and “knowledgeable”    did not pay much heed to this wise saying. But today about 30 years hence, realize that the monkey was wise. Today I can categorically say, the more I see the more I think, the more I think, and the more I am confused! What I see around, leads me to think more, the more I think, the more I get confused. I see pictures of 2100 people killed over night in Afghanistan, 40 killed in Bodoland, self-promoting, self righteous, self-serving politicians promising heaven on Indian earth, leaders of faith based organizations who should be different embroiled in land and property, moral issues…I cannot stop seeing, but should I stop thinking? Is that the way out? Not much different in the immediate surroundings too! Once able, leaders of institutions and programs, aging now, losi...

I had tied a scarlet thread on my window s few years back. It was for a purpose,  It would flutter in the wind and remained as a constant reminder as I looked out of my window into the world outside. When others looked into my room they saw this thread. And they recognized what made me what I am is because of the significance of this thread. Today morning, I suddenly woke up with the memory of me tying that thread years back, the colour and newness fresh in my memory. I looked out and realized that years of sun light, winds blowing, dust settling on the thread, it no longer was as scarlet as it was. The significance was only a faint memory from the past. I took it out, washed it, cleaned it and tied it again. So that I would always be reminded, that it is that scarlet thread which makes me what I am. And others would see me through that thread. I need to do this on a regular basis, may be even daily, so that I would always see through and be seen through that...

I live with two of my close relatives, one with physical disability and other with cognitive disability. Does that make me an expert on issues of disability? Of course not, it leaves me more confused! The so called physically and cognitively challenged has definitely more ability to see what they are going through “abled vision” or the perspective of faith. Whereas, the one who claims to be physically and cognitively abled, (this itself is controversial, what is ability today might be disability tomorrow!) and who sees the challenges through scientific and logical perspectives, seems to be more disabled and finds it tough to understand the complexities of life! We need a renewed understanding of ability and disability. To have this renewed understanding, we need abled eyes, which will see people through the eyes of the creator. The Creator, who sees every human being He created as abled by the “Imago Dei” which He has put in, at the same as disabled and marred by the effect of ...