Santhosh's ramblings

DHFs are good testing laboratories. It tests the following things. A.       Your faith in your ability to with stand the heat and fire B.       Your previous experience of electricity failing a the right time and fire dying off C.       Your faith in a God, who might deliver you! D.       Your perceptions of this God as one who is a deliverer. E.        Your ability to stick vs run F.        Your speed of running off – how soon and how fast you can run G.      Your expectation of the enabling to walk in the fire without feeling the heat H.       Your anticipation and experience of another person accompanying you in the fire I.         The ability of fire to purge the dross away J.      ...

There are various situations where we end up giving up instead of going on. Some times we go on giving up too. The inevitable giving up – are situations of people moving on from this world, positions which were for a time have to given up, places where one has been has to be said good bye to, people  move on for various needs and situations – inevitable cycle of life… There are other situations which are forced up on us, where we are forced to consider giving up. Giving up on people, places, roles, situations and contexts. These are not always “inevitable’ but “in our control” . The circumstances and situations force us and we take considered decisions to give up or hold on. The situational cycles of life. Then there are those of us who have made our behaviour cycle one of going on giving up. Fleeting and flitting from one role to another, one place to another one interest to another and the behavioural cycles go on. Interestingly, as we read through the stories from the OT, w...

As we went through the “home calling” of my mother, the events which surrounded the same, over last few days, I have been forced to reflect on a few issues, here are some stray disjointed ramblings…. Holding on Vs Releasing – Our natural tendency is to hold on, to whatever we own and or whatever/whoever is close to us. Holding on, many a times not for selfish reasons, but good and commendable reasons. But the ability to release when it has to be released and not to hold on, is what we need wisdom for. Not only release physically, but an inner release. But we need to still hold on – to memories, lessons learnt and many other things. Living daily, with detached attachment, or released holding on, is a part of our life in this world….how do I live in this balance…. A related issue is – healing vs curing, or healing without curing. Or on another perspective, life preservation vs life giving by releasing physical life….Physicians (I mean MD Medicine) are programed to cure! They...

The beginnings of our life and the initial years, we have no control over our life and what happens to us. The end and the time which is near that, we have no control. Others decide what we should do, where we should be, what we should eat and wear and many such other things… The beginning is easy – we come in new, have not had the experience of being in control but we grow up soon! Our own inner nature – tells us – take control! Adam and Eve did it, in the Garden of Eden and this is in our nature! And all this who are around tells us, helps us to move from lack of control to a controlled life, where we are in control of our life…. Over next few years we learn and excel in the art of control. We control our bodies, our minds, our heart and our emotions, and even the “spirit”….Some of us go beyond our own lives and take control of the people around, the situations around, and world around us…. Every now and then, God surprises us – by engineering circumstances and allowing ...

I watch these hands which signifies many things to me. Hands which cared for a whole life time. Cared for her children, grandchildren, mother, brother and many others who passed through these hands in her life time. Cared by touching, cleaning, washing, protecting and many other ways…. Today, they need to be cared for…..it can’t care for itself…leave alone others…. Hands which corrected and directed many. Her own children, grandchildren, many students who passed through her hands. Directed for the greater purpose of the values and Kingdom community she is part of and of which she wanted all to be part off. Hands sometimes directed through chastising… Today they need to be supported to direct her own life…..it can’t direct others….even herself…. Hands which consoled many. Many who went through brokenness, pain, confusion, challenges in life, physical, emotional and spiritual, economic, social etc….At the cost of pain to her and her family, at the cost of lost time, mo...

As I sit next to an aging parent who is emotionally labile, cognitively disabled and physically challenged, one tends to observe more than what I would have done in a hospital clinical situation. In the midst of all the caring provided by many family members, there is one intervention which seems to have a special effect on her. I want to call this “The Power of Touch”. She usually, from where she is sitting will move her hands around looking for another hand to hold. As if to hold and “feel the presence” perhaps? The power of presence which calms the labile emotions? She seems to quieten down if such a hand is nearby. I often wonder, if I had a way to probe into the emotions of a cognitively challenged person….Touch which gives calming presence to a labile emotion… The other time she will look for a hand is when she wants to get up and try moving. Spending the whole day in a wheel chair, would seem purposeless even for a mind which is seemingly at the end of any “reasonable f...

While working in a mission hospital in South, the ward I was in charge had this picture of a chimpanzee, with the caption, “the more I think, the more I am confused”. Being young and “knowledgeable”    did not pay much heed to this wise saying. But today about 30 years hence, realize that the monkey was wise. Today I can categorically say, the more I see the more I think, the more I think, and the more I am confused! What I see around, leads me to think more, the more I think, the more I get confused. I see pictures of 2100 people killed over night in Afghanistan, 40 killed in Bodoland, self-promoting, self righteous, self-serving politicians promising heaven on Indian earth, leaders of faith based organizations who should be different embroiled in land and property, moral issues…I cannot stop seeing, but should I stop thinking? Is that the way out? Not much different in the immediate surroundings too! Once able, leaders of institutions and programs, aging now, losi...