Santhosh's ramblings

Sometimes life speaks through metaphors - and lately, it’s been speaking through the eyes. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on three kinds of “visual challenges” I’ve been facing. Not all of them are medical. Foggy Vision It’s been raining heavily on this side of the country. Have you ever driven through a downpour where even fog lights, wipers on full blast, and reduced speed didn’t help? I am doing this - almost daily. And sometimes, the only safe response is to stop, wait, and start again once visibility returns. Driving a small car in that weather only adds to the struggle. Big trucks cruise past like floating ships, splashing pothole water over my windshield, making an already difficult situation worse. But here’s what I’ve noticed - these intense showers don’t last forever. They come in hard, but they pass quickly, often leaving behind a clear sky.  Isn’t that just like life? There are seasons when everything feels unclear, overwhelming, or simply out of control....

The past two weeks were filled with events that stirred many memories—some brought warm nostalgia, while one was deeply painful. The first was a get-together with schoolmates to plan support for our school as we mark the 50th anniversary of our batch. Most had plenty of stories to share about their school days, but I seemed to have forgotten most—except for one or two beatings I got from teachers—the pain. Yet, one thing stood out clearly: the memory of doing fun things (and for some, crazy and foolish things too—though I wasn’t all that crazy back then) with friends—the relationships. Read more The second was a reunion of our MBBS batch to celebrate one of our classmates who received a national award. There was plenty of talk about the remarkable work he has done, along with recognition of other notable people present—our batch includes national awardees, a medical college principal, a university Pro VC, and other professionals who have made a real impact. But as I drove back, what st...

In  The Better Angels of Our Nature  (2011), Steven Pinker argued that violence has declined significantly over time due to factors like state authority, trade, literacy, and reason. He believes continued peace depends on empathy and rationality - though not on religion or moral absolutes. And we will soon reach there, because we have better angels inside us than what religion or morality tells us!  Francis Fukuyama’s  The End of History and the Last Man  argued that the end of the Cold War marked the culmination of ideological evolution, with liberal democracy emerging as the final and most stable form of government. In a later work,  Liberalism and Its Discontents , he reflects on the challenges facing liberalism today, noting how it has been undermined by neoliberalism on the right and identity politics on the left - leading to societal divisions and threats to democracy. In less than two decades, the little angels seem to have been replaced by litt...

Discomfort with traditions did not start in this generation. Sometimes we (Baby Boomers) look at younger generations who do not want to follow any tradition and write them off in our minds. But then, when we were young, we did the same thing. The best movie I grew up with was  Fiddler on the Roof , a musical from 1964. In the ’60s, the world was struggling with these questions! So those of us who think the younger generations are the problem- remember, we too were young and were questioning things once! I have come back to my geographical roots eight weeks ago. Observing the context around me, I find it to be one of “Conservative Modernism” (if there is such a word). There are elements of tradition and conservative community life all around, but much of modernism too! And being part of some of these traditions after a long stint away has been interesting. The ones I have enjoyed and experienced thus far have had three elements: One  – Traditions bring memories from the past. B...

Front (and back) yard cleaning is a must, though the back can be ignored since people don’t see it frequently. But then, it is sore to my eyes and starts stinking if ignored for too long. I prefer to ignore  most days, after an  initial enthusiasm.  True for life too? Unseen parts left out too long…One knows what happens!  Cleaning becomes tough when leaves are sticky and wet. A heart wet with desires too - is tough to clean up…it sticks to your heart! When the ground is uneven, rocky, full of crevices, and overgrown - cleaning is more challenging. An unprepared heart is tough to manage…I don’t have much time for this :(  If the tool is crooked, not maintained well, or not used properly, cleaning becomes tough. The tool I have for my heart is effective, but I don’t use it well. (The Word). Some days it is like water rolling off a duck's back; or like a wind which cools me for a short time, and then I am sweating in the humid heat of Kerala. Neighbours’ leav...

I visited two hospitals in the past week—not as a doctor, but as a patient. The first was a busy tertiary institute where getting a slot or appointment was only possible by using my “medical professional status” and relying on friends who had done the groundwork before my visit. Yes, I use this status at times for personal benefit. 😔 The doctor I saw was young, efficient, to the point, clear, evidence-based, and supported by the most advanced technology one could ask for. Since she was masked and goggled up, it was not easy to see whether there was a frown or a smile on her face. But I have no complaints. She did her best - with respect and concern - and even offered to see me in the office a few days later if things didn’t improve. And it was free too! I left professionally assured. But as I was waiting - to cut the line 😔 - with long queues of people around, there seemed to be a resigned, matter-of-fact look on the face of the person who led me in. Was this a regular ...

I went to church last Sunday. Nothing unusual, but something was different. Returning to the church I grew up in—after a couple of decades—I learnt a few things about myself. The melodious music (a couple of English hymns too), the challenging message (delivered by a young woman—it was a special Sunday), the meaningful liturgy (if listened to well), and 2 hours and 45 minutes of mostly standing. A large number of worshippers seemed deeply engaged in everything (at least that’s what I sensed)… except me. My soul was wandering, my mind distracted and scattered, my back aching, and my hand itching to pull out the mobile to check WhatsApp now and then. (No one else had their mobiles out! Everyone had liturgy books with them.) A couple of decades ago, when I used to attend the same church, I remember being more fully “present there.” Aging and being away seem to have contributed to a few changes: inattentive and unfocused soul, distracted mind, and weak back muscles. Yes—body, mind, and sou...