Unspeakable joy

A few weeks ago, I preached on “unspeakable joy” and how this joy is given to us permanently (see link below). It did not take long for that joy to dissipate, and I felt like a hypocrite. I had to re-preach the message to myself time and again to recapture that joy, according to how I was feeling at that time.

 

It did not take major events for this to happen. The death of a few fish I had carefully cared for in a tub. A flowering plant that I had nurtured but refused to produce any flowers. A loved one passing away at 94 years of age. A poor response to one of my writings. A scratch on the car. I wondered, why?

 

Each of these had upsides too, but I was feeling a sense of lost joy. The fish that had died had given birth to many, and there were young ones around. The plant had one bud which could become future hope. My aunt had lived a full life, contributing to many others - it should have been a celebration. My unnoticed writing was on a “specific topic”, and only a niche reader would be interested in it.

 

So, there was logic that should have helped me see that the positives outweighed the negatives. But the problem with having a mental health issue is that, in some seasons, the negatives overtake the positives.

 

Was the answer to wallow in the reality of my hypocrisy? Or to accept these as the realities of life? Or to try to keep the positives above the negatives through affirmative action? I soon realised that none of these worked. The sense of loss, wasted hope, grief, and unfulfilled work (for each of the situations above) was real.

 

But then I was awakened to a truth - one I was supposed to have spoken in my message but had forgotten. What I was feeling was very real, but it was not a loss of joy. It was deep emotion emerging from love, hope, desires - mostly realistic ones, too.

 

But joy should be more than emotions. Joy should be driven by truth. Not merely feelings of happiness, pleasure, fulfilment, or emotions, but joy must be a deep assurance emerging from certain truths which I should hold on to.

 

He is there with me, though I don’t feel it; He is still in control, though the context screams otherwise; He will somehow use all this for something greater, though I don’t know what; I am allowed to go through this so it can be a channel of blessing to others, though I can’t see how. 

 

And I need to remind and hold on to these truths 24/7. So, I think I might not have been a hypocrite.

https://youtu.be/EQRrZoeAXok?si=2dPJ4cLjlVW-SJrT