Santhosh's ramblings

8.00 AM - I did not sleep well. So as the saying goes got up on the “wrong side of the bed”. So got out late to work traffic was impossible!  Another car cut across in traffic and almost hit mine.  And the routine was disrupted. And that impacted the emotional well being much of the morning hours. Unnecessary disruption impacting my well being…. 4.00 pm. “I am a cop. I along with my wife and children were caught by 20 men. They took us to a small room and beat me and my wife up. Wife and children managed to escape. I continued to receive beating. Our house was burnt. Somehow I managed to escape. We have lost everything. Our lives have been disrupted totally.” “Any loud sounds I get up and get palpitations. I don’t sleep at night. I have lost everything I owned”.  Many more such stories…. My morning disruption pales as I listen to these stories…

The car was not really smooth to drive, and I knew something was amiss. I glanced at the fuel gauge, which was hovering in the 'E' region, indicating low fuel. I thought this might be the reason, but there had to be something more. Even at the 'E' region, the car still had about 4-5 litres of fuel. This alone could not explain the issue. Additionally, there was an occasional red light indicator whine that would come up transiently.   After filling up the petrol, I asked them to check the air as well. It turned out that the front tires had too little air, which probably contributed to the problem. However, I was not fully satisfied. The car was due for a service, so I sent it in. After the service, the car came back as smooth as before. The service engineer mentioned something about an alignment that needed to be done and some short circuits in the electrical system. It didn't make much sense to me, but those issues had been taken care of. These things can prevent a ...

Awakened sleep – this appears like an oxymoron. But this is what the Shunamite woman said, “ I was asleep, but my heart was awake ”. (SoS; 5:2) Was she in REM sleep? Where could she recognize that she was sleeping but her heart was awake? As she moved in and out of her NREM to REM, she kept recognizing her awakened heart? But the question I am grappling with is, what keeps my heart awake? For her, it was the anticipation that her lover would come at any time and call her out. A desire for her lover, as she went in and out of her NREM, REM sleep cycles. Neuroscience and physiology now say that in such relaxed contexts, like sleep, and music, diffuse thinking happens. “Diffuse-mode thinking is what happens when you relax your attention and just let your mind wander. This relaxation can allow different areas of the brain to hook up and return valuable insights.” Author Barbara Oakley, using the analogy of playing a pinball game writes “The diffuse approach… often involves a big-pict...

Observing young bikers who engage in reckless and daring maneuvers on the busy roads of Delhi evokes various emotions in me. I call them Reckless and Crazy. Initially, I feel irritated, wondering how they can behave in such a manner. I also experience fear, as it is apparent that their reckless driving endangers their own lives and the lives of others. At the same time, a desire arises within me, a longing for youthful freedom to engage in such daring acts that were denied to me. However, upon further reflection, I realize that recklessness and craziness are inherent in all of us. It seems to be a part of human nature. Some individuals exhibit this behavior for the sake of others, such as when someone in love engages in crazy and reckless acts for their beloved. Others engage in such behavior purely for their own satisfaction and the thrill of adventure. I have even heard of a 81-year-old man climbing Mount Everest – now, that's truly crazy! Perhaps those of us who believe in a C...

There are three cardinal rules of driving in Delhi, and the same applies to towns and cities across India.  First, occupy any available space you find. Do not give space to others if you can avoid it. Second, do not look back or around. Some drivers even close their side view mirrors and rearview mirrors to focus solely on their forward path. Your time and destination are of utmost importance; others are not. Third, break any barriers or boundaries that can be broken. Dividing walls are to be opened up, and lanes are merely suggestions to be ignored. Do not give space to others; run alone and break boundaries if possible. This is what the daily traffic teaches me. However, there are also three cardinal rules for living. Give space to others. Life is not about racing and winning, but about journeying together. If life is about these principles, you will look back and see those who are moving slowly and offer them encouragement and space. You will also notice those around you who ca...

As a young doctor, when I entered a rural mission hospital to work for a year or so, I was convinced that I was wasting my time. I was waiting to get into residency, and working there was not the optimal path to secure a residency of my choice. However, there was an inner compulsion pushing me to give it a try. On the other hand, I was certain that it would be a waste, and I expressed this to the senior doctor who had invited me to work for a year. He gently told me that a year of apparent waste might not be wasted if it helped me gain clarity about my life since I was not particularly clear at that time. I didn't believe him then, but I decided to go through with that one year of seemingly wasted time and life. In life, waiting is often viewed as a period of wasted years. However, a contemplative examination of stories from the Bible teaches us otherwise. Take Abraham, for example. He received a promise to become the father of many nations but spent his whole life wandering from p...

  Recently I was admitted to a medical college for a couple of days, with a medical emergency, that too amid the COVID-19 scare. After 25 days I am still on a learning curve – the lessons I am learning through the ongoing reflections of my time at the other end of the system. I am quite confident and comfortable being the care provider, the grey-haired senior person in the team supporting and encouraging the team and sorting out challenging issues. And to leave the normal routines to the rest of the team. But to be one of the many patients in the emergency department (ER) of a tertiary care system and subsequently go through the rest of the hospital stay was a new, challenging but rewarding learning experience. As I was wheeled into the emergency department in severe pain and with absolute dysphagia at about 8.30 pm, (let me not keep you in suspense – I have an uncommon, not so-serious disease called Eosinophilic Esophagitis, (EoE) that could lead to food impaction and dysphagi...